Finding The Cloud In Front Of Every Silver Lining

I have a family member who can find the cloud in front of every silver lining.  She is a good person, and means well.  For her, though, the fear of running up against obstacles overwhelms her, and she can find even the most obscure reason to be pessimistic.  Before she begins a new task, she can cite the reasons why it will not go well!  Some would brand her as being insecure.

Many people live their lives that way.  To them, negativity is a constant companion.  We would not think of telling a cancer patient to “get over it.”  We are told, therefore, that we should not expect a person who is suffering from clinical depression to just “get over it.”  Yet, we find it difficult to endure those people who see the world, not through rose-coloured glasses, but foggy grey ones.

Clinical psychologist Dr. S. K. Sharma comes close to saying “get over it.”  But Dr. Sharma takes a different perspective.  This lifestyle advisor says that, before you can become a positive person, you must have the desire to be positive.   You can only do that if you are convinced that becoming positive will enhance your quality of life.

That is not the issue with many people who endure their own negativity.  They believe.  They just don’t believe that the option is available to them. Those people need to begin the process gradually, placing themselves in controlled situations where the outcome is most likely to be beneficial.  Positivity breeds positivity, and the person can build on small successes.

Similarly, once the “gloomy Gus” experiences a series of uplifting events, he or she should begin placing himself in situations where the outcome is less certain, but the negative consequences are minimal.  In these environments, the person can control the outcomes, and recover.  Again, success feeds success, and overcoming negative consequences often will stimulate confidence – an essential ingredient lacking in many naysayers. 

Many times, the negative outcomes are fed by our own inputs.  If we have lower expectations, we broadcast those expectations, subtly, in our posture, our mannerisms and our words.  Develop a habit of using positive words, of showing confidence and positivity in our posture and movements.  Those cues will be picked up by others, and, often, negative situations will be averted.

Take an interest in the world around you; particularly, in other people.  Letting others know you find them interesting is a sure-fire way for them to reciprocate with positive actions and words toward you.  Few people enjoy commiserating with someone who perpetually espouses negative opinions, or who talks incessantly about their own issues. 

As a child, I read an anecdote that remains with me five decades later.  Two young women are talking, and the first says to the other, “I’m so happy.  I’m marrying Bill.”

“Bill?” says the second.  “I thought you told me a few months ago that Jim was the most wonderful person in the world.”

“That’s true,” replied the first. “But when I’m with Bill, he makes me feel like I am the most wonderful person.”

Keep the company of positive, uplifting people, and you will develop the endurance to enjoy occasional interactions with those less enthusiastic about life.  After all, birds of a feather …

Be realistic about your expectations.  Die-hard Cleveland Brown and Toronto Maple Leaf fans start each yesar with the unwavering belief that their team will win the championship that year, even when the team finished last the prior year, and no personnel changes have been made.  That optimism is admirable.  But, certainly, even those pessimistic fans are sure to be disappointed when their team fails, once again.  Set goals that are reasonable, but not too low.  Be realistic, too, about your own successful conversion to optimism. 

One of the hallmarks of someone who is depressed is lethargy.  Similarly, those who think negatively often decline to become engaged with life.  By not participating in potentially negative events, one cannot be disappointed, right?  Wrong.  Inactivity leads to more feelings of failure.  Get up.  Get going. Try.  Share a joke.  Read uplifting plots and novels.  Watch uplifting shows.  Get involved with others.  It is difficult to brood about failure when you are engaged wholeheartedly in an activity.

Most of all, be appreciative.  You have life.  You have relative health, relative security, if you compare your situation to others world wide.  Enjoy what you have, instead of being morose about what you do not.

As you move slowly from feelings of negativity to a more uplifting outlook, your attitude, like a locomotive rolling downhill, will pick up steam, become unstoppable.  See?  Even going downhill can be a positive experience!

A Unique Solution For Relieving Stress And Anxiety On Tap

We seem to have a tendency to look for simple solutions for complex problems.  While this strategy often pays dividends, too often we look at solutions for mental and emotional dilemmas in a far-too-simplistic way.  “Don’t worry, be happy” is a great catch phrase, but life seldom allows us the luxury of simply flipping a switch and solving our emotional crises.  Yet, unusual solutions often prove effective, and, ultimately, often prove to be simple, as well.

One such solution to a variety of anxieties is known as the “tapping method.” Simply tap away your anxiety!  The formal moniker for this alternative psychotherapy technique is ETF, or the “emotional therapy technique.”  It involves a variation on acupressure techniques, where a patient focuses on the stressors that have stimulated the anxiety, while the therapist applies acupressure to specific areas of the body.  In other words, he taps those pressure points while you are experiencing the simulated stress.  Alternatively and, perhaps most valuable, is that the patient himself may be able to self-administer these techniques at the moments that he or she is undergoing the actual stress.

Dawson Church, PhD Research Director of the Foundation for Epi Genetic Medicine, is quoted in a CBS article published online on June 12, 2012, as saying  of the strategy, “It tells your body that the stressful thought you’re having isn’t a real threat to your survival. And once you break the association in your mind between the stressful thought and the fight or flight response one time, it stays broken.”  

Some professionals question whether it as effective as claimed.  They postulate that it is simply the act of tapping or being tapped that causes the decreased stress.  They point out that tapping other parts of the body, or even tapping a doll decreases stress. 

But analysis of stress hormone levels revealed a 24% drop in those hormones after tapping, but no change in a control group.

These conflicting reports raise some questions, but, regardless of the physiological process involved, anxiety sufferers should be heartened by the potential for improvement in what may be a devastating disorder.  The issue of what causes what, and whether there is an alternative explanation for “why” is moot, since both groups of researchers agree that the end result is a decrease in stress and anxiety, even where these anxieties have become full phobias or  life-altering problems.  Whether the problem is as basic as a fear of going on open water in a boat, or a fear of newspaper ink transmitting horrible diseases, the fears are allayed by the tapping method. 

Thank goodness for alternative thinking, alternative solutions, and simple concepts that actually work.

Drive Your Night Owl Friends Crazy: Become A Morning Person

As if morning people weren’t already the bane – no, the unscratchable irritant – for the rest of the world, and, in particular, night people, new research published in the May issue of the journal, Emotion, suggests that morning people actually are happier than night owls.  That should serve to further inflame that itch!

As an extreme morning person, I can attest to the irritant factor.  Fortunately, my wife, too, is a morning person. 

Not long ago, the two of us were sharing a volcanic flu experience at 4 a.m., when, at our lowest points between rushes to the washroom, I moaned to her, “I think you should take me to the hospital.” With a look of panic, she asked what was wrong.

“I think I’m going to take a turn for the nurse.”

Extremely bad humour, that would upset the stomachs of most people.  The two of us burst into laughter, before continuing our revolving parade to the toilet bowl.

Unfortunately for those members of our family who are not morning people. We also enjoy our evenings, so there is no reprieve from us.

The deck is stacked against night owls, though.  We are expected to be at full output to start our work day.  It seems that our social biological clock is set for the wrong hours for night owls to enjoy the day.  One method to alleviate this problem is to use light therapy early in the morning, or trick ourselves, by going to bed earlier, to reset the clock.

Teenagers are most likely to be night owls, and less likely to be morning people.  As we age, that tendency smoothens itself out, but, by then, parents and children have butted heads for years over the matter of early rising with a smile on one’s face.

The researchers found that early birds reported feeling healthier than non-early birds, and enjoyed healthier emotional reactions.  This correlates to decreased stress, more enjoyment of life, in general.

This news is not intended to exasperate night owls.  Rather, it provides them with a message: take the time to develop, not morning sickness, but morning health. Replacing old habits with new ones slowly will allow you to evolve into a morning person.  The second message is that being happy and positive to start the day can translate into a feeling of wellbeing throughout, and, indeed, congtribute to improved health. 

The best message, though, for those people with a sadistic inclination is that the old cliché about the best revenge is a life well lived.  Undoubtedly, being happy to start your day will frustrate many of those around you, and, maybe even provide the added benefit of having them suspicious of “what got into you.”